Jadrian Read online

  “Yes, pack leader.”

  She walked out of the kitchen without a backward glance, and he followed on her heels.

  Jill talked to him in a fast undertone as they made their way through the eating area, where people ostentatiously lowered their gaze to their plates as Jadrian and the Alpha’s mate walked past. “I think Aydarr and I are going to have to take a second look at the fraternization rules in light of this. A few human women see you Badari as their solution to a better life here, since your people are the top of the food chain, with Aydarr in charge. Apparently certain individuals will go to great lengths to try to create a bond where there isn’t one.”

  “Not all are like Sandara has proven to be,” he said. “My packmates don’t deserve to be punished because I failed to understand her intent and actions. I must take part of the blame for this awkward situation. Many of the Badari have entered into mutual relationships with human women—what you call dating—and are happy, even if there is no mate bond.”

  “I agree with you wholeheartedly. But maybe the pack needs to rethink how these two communities interact, to prevent future misunderstandings and complications.” She sighed. “One more thing to go on my endless list of Badari-human topics to ponder.”

  “How is it you were here to intervene?” he asked.

  “Having lunch with my sister, like I said.” She pointed to the table they were heading for and he saw Lily Garrison sitting with Taura and Timtur. “A little Badari bird told me I’d better get into the kitchen fast and defuse whatever was going on there.” Chuckling, Jill shook her head. “I can tell I lost you with my mixed metaphor just now—one of the pack met me at the door and gave me a head’s up.”

  “We won’t stress Taura over this,” he said.

  “Absolutely not.” Jill hastened her steps, moving ahead of him as she rushed to hug Lily.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  Taura guessed the discussion with Sandara had been unpleasant if he’d needed the Alpha’s wife to become involved. After lunch, as they walked toward the clinic, she tried to apologize. “I’m sorry if I caused trouble between you and—”

  “The trouble was all of her making,” he said, cutting Taura off. “You’re not at fault.”

  “But I do monopolize your time right now.”

  Jadrian stopped walking, glared at the few other people in the vicinity, who moved along rapidly, and drew Taura aside into the shade of a tree, adjusting his stance so his large frame protected her from anyone’s scrutiny. “Everything I do for you is done by my choice. If I asked the Alpha or Mateer to reassign me and make it so I never spent another minute in your company, there’d be no question of refusal.”

  A sharp pain stabbed through her heart at the idea of being cut off from him.

  “I’m a Badari warrior, not a naïve cub or cadet,” he continued. “I never made promises to Sandara or any other human woman. My failure was in not recognizing her wish to be more than mere friends and making my own lack of reciprocal feelings plain. I choose to be present for you. I gave my word to you, to be your friend and to help, and I don’t take on a commitment lightly, no Badari does.” He searched her face, his golden eyes glowing even in the strong daylight. “Are we clear? Are you still unsure of your place with me?”

  Taura shook her head, unable to speak around the lump in her throat. Swallowing hard, she reached out to rest her hand on his arm. “I’m so glad you were the one who rescued me, who keeps rescuing me. I can’t imagine not having you by my side. My friend.”

  He closed his hand over hers, squeezing her fingers gently. “Then we have no misunderstandings, and whatever anyone else may think is their problem. The doctor is waiting – we’d better go.”

  Although she had a pretty successful second day out of the hospital, with no flashbacks, and Dr. Garrison had been encouraging at their daily meeting, Taura was nervous about the gathering the next evening, which was for all residents of the valley, hosted by the Alpha and his wife.

  “I must attend,” Jadrian said. “The pack is required to be there, no exceptions, other than those on patrol or other essential duties. But, if you wish to wait for me at the clinic, I’m sure Dr. Garrison would let you use her office or perhaps another space, not a regular patient room. You’d be safe from Walt and anyone else you might not wish to encounter.”

  “Sandara, you mean. I can handle her.” Taura was in no doubt. Nothing about the woman or the situation created anything more than a mild social anxiety.

  “She’s in charge of the food preparation so of course she’ll be there.”

  “Fine. We managed not to run into her any of the other trips we made to the dining hall.” Taura didn’t tell him she’d had a few hostile glances and muttered remarks made to her by Sandara’s friends when he was out of earshot. Those rolled off her back as unimportant. Anything less than a flashback incident didn’t faze her. The catty incidents so far were certainly nothing to mention to Jadrian, not as protective of her as he was.

  “Are you afraid of having an incident at the gathering?”

  “Maybe a little.” Taura rubbed her left hand over the discolored band of skin on her right arm, where the Khagrish neurocontroller had been. “I haven’t been around people who went through the same thing I did other than you—and we understand each other. I—I can’t handle too much discussion of the labs, what they did to us there—”

  “This evening is for celebration of our new life, as represented by the three new moons rising above us. “He seated himself on the end of the bed next to her and took her hand. “Trust me, people won’t be discussing their experiences with the Khagrish. The talk will be of life here and now.”

  “It’s reassuring to hear. I need to remember my experiences and I aren’t the center of the universe,” she said with a laugh. “You must think I’m being egotistical.”

  “Nothing of the sort.” His reassurance was immediate and warm. “But as Megan said in our visit to her today, one thing to watch out for is overthinking a situation and allowing yourself to catastrophize. I’ll be right there and if some aspect of the gathering sets off your anxiety, we can leave. No need for a list of what if scenarios.”

  “Keep it simple,” she said, smoothing the blanket with her free hand, as if she was brushing her worries away.

  “Exactly.” Grinning, he gave her a hug.

  Taura only had the two human clothing outfits Kelli had issued to her, so choosing one and getting dressed didn’t take much time. When she and Jadrian walked to the large open glade where the community’s events were held, she found the space pretty well filled with humans and a sprinkling of Badari.

  There were several bonfires blazing, long tables laden with food, small groups scattered here and there. Jadrian guided her to greet the Alpha and his wife briefly and then the two of them proceeded to fill their plates. Taura saw no sign of Sandara, although the meal and the presentation of the dishes were obviously in her signature cooking style. Taura wondered what Sandara had done on the Amarcae colony, run a restaurant? How advanced and sophisticated was their original colony? But she didn’t ask.

  As she sat off to the side with Jadrian and a few other Badari warriors and humans, it dawned on her there were practically no children present. The youngest Badari boys looked about eight to her, and were all intensely solemn, not running and playing as she guessed a group of human children would be doing at a big picnic of this sort. She was glad no one had kidnapped Sectors children to give the Khagrish as subjects for experiments, but she felt the lack of youthful spirits made the gathering a bit sad.

  The pregnant Dr. Garrison walked by with her mate, and Taura remembered there would be a next generation. Maybe other human women here would be having babies in the future, either half-Badari or human and this would become more like a real, viable colony, even if they were cut off from the Sectors.

  Jadrian bumped her shoulder with his own. “What are you thinking?”

  “About children,” she said without considering if this was a topic she wanted to broach with him. “It’s a nice party, but children would make everything more lively. The Badari boys are so disciplined and proper, like miniature adults. Do they ever get to cut loose and play?”

  “Our next generations were always the most important thing to us,” he said as if making a declaration about a topic close to his heart. His voice rang with sincerity and the austere lines of his face softened as he watched the cubs nearby. “That hasn’t changed. In the labs, there was no play as such. We were schooled in team sports as training and physical conditioning, worked hard by the Khagrish instructors, pitted against the other packs, cruelly punished for losing or what the instructors deemed failures. Since we were freed and escaped to this valley, Lily and her team of teachers have tried to encourage the cubs and cadets to try new things for the sheer joy of doing them, to recapture what she says is a necessary part of childhood.” His eyes were glowing a bit with emotion. “Maybe the youngest will be able to respond fully but, for the others, the lessons of the labs are too deeply ingrained. Behaving in certain ways meant surviving.”

  “I understand. But at least there’s hope for the future.”

  “Aydarr is open minded on topics such as these, including Lily’s guidance for well-rounded child development. But first we have to secure the future, not simply hide in this valley under the protection of an alien device we don’t really understand.” He took a deep breath. “Too much heavy thinking for this evening. But the music will start soon.”

  “Music?”

  “A surprising number of the humans sing, either by themselves or in groups. A few play instruments, which they’ve crafted since coming here. People will dance. Humans are very clever.” He smiled. “Your species is quite good at taking nothing and making it into something. I admire the ability.”

  “We’re resilient,” she agreed. “And the Badari?”

  He blinked as if he couldn’t believe she would need to ask such a basic question. “Are we resilient?”

  Giving him a playful shove, she laughed. “No, I already know the answer to that. Do you make music at these events?”

  Taura was astonished to see his face take on a frown in response to her simple inquiry. Jadrian crossed his arms as if to fend off the topic. “A touchy subject.”

  She touched the back of his hand and gave him what she hoped was a disarming look, working to defusing the unexpected tension. “I’m not trying to pry, I promise. I was merely curious.”

  Like a storm cloud lifting, the tension left his face and his frame. Shaking a finger at her and grinning, he asked, “Is this you making conversation on safe, shared topics?”

  It felt good to laugh. “I guess I am.”

  “There are songs—chants really—passed down in the ancestral memory and a few special ceremonies. A few of us drum to accompany the words and certain members of the pack might dance in specific patterns, but none of it is for the eyes of anyone outside the pack.” He gazed around at the meadow. “Certainly not in a place such as this. But Aydarr and Jill have encouraged those in the pack who wished to do so to attempt to learn human dances. Did you want to try one?”

  “Lords of Space, no. I don’t even know if I can dance.” Although the idea of being held close in Jadrian’s arms while dreamy music played was alluring.

  “The group dances are relatively simple and involve minimal contact. You’ll see.”

  Soon the few human musicians began tuning up their homemade instruments, and the space in the center of the meadow was cleared. A series of singers moved into and out of the circle as the evening wore on, offering their versions of popular Sectors’ songs she was familiar with, and then the promised dancing commenced. The dances were vigorous, folk type arrangements, designed for groups rather than couples per se. Taura didn’t know any of the steps and was content to sit and watch.

  As the festivities wore on, her body sagged with fatigue. A few people had made an effort to reach out and talk to her. Kelli from Stores sat with her for quite a while, making tart comments about her fellow colonists and giving Taura a lot of valuable intel about the inner workings of the community in the process. Kelli eventually wandered off to join a line dance forming up, and Taura breathed a sigh of relief. She was overwhelmed by all the people, by having to sustain a conversation. Jadrian had taken advantage of Kelli’s presence beside Taura to go and participate in one of the mixed team sports events, saying Aydarr had ordered the Badari to do a minimum of one activity with the humans during the evening, not just sit and watch.

  “How is that fair, if the Badari play against the humans? You guys are bigger and taller,” Taura said with a laugh.

  “We put an equal number of our people on each team and there are rules about who can score points and how.”

  “That must take some of the fun out of it.”

  He stared at her from his greater height. “Remember I told you we were forced to participate in team sports as part of the overall training. Finding fun in the activity isn’t our nature, but we’re learning from our human teammates.”

  “I’ll cheer you on from the sidelines,” she said.

  “Which will be fun for me.” He jogged off to the improvised ball court on the far side of the meadow.

  Once Kelli had said her goodbyes and gone to dance, Taura looked around. No one was paying attention to her, which was how she preferred it. A crowded-in feeling was worsening in her chest, causing her breathing to become labored. She rose to her feet and slipped away. An anxiety attack was in the offing, and she hoped she might be able to control it if she wasn’t in the presence of so many people.

  She retraced the path through the settlement, heading for their cave but, on a whim, she took a fork to the left and meandered along the lakeshore instead. The light of the three moons combined to illuminate her surroundings well enough, and she took comfort in what Jadrian had said about the Badari driving predators from the valley. Maybe this was a stupid decision, but she finally felt free and she wanted to prolong the happiness. Eventually, she came to the spot where she and Jadrian had gone fishing. Carefully, she walked into the lake on the ancient tree trunk and sat to dangle her feet in the water.

  She still believed she knew how to swim—or maybe she’d been trained how to maneuver in antigrav? Or both?

  “Time to find out.” She stood, took off her clothes and shoes and dove into the water. The movements were instinctive, smooth and sure, and she came up in the moonlight, treading water and delighted with the absolute lack of constraints. She swam to the tree trunk then out into the lake again, finally deciding to float on her back, enjoy the peace and quiet, and make wishes on the alien stars. Swimming wasn’t bringing up any particular memories, but the sheer pleasure of the water against her bare skin and the sensation of being suspended between the ground and the starry sky was intoxicating. Swimming alone carried a certain amount of risk, but she didn’t care right now.

  Jadrian tried to maintain his situational awareness where Taura was concerned, even while he was in the midst of a hotly contested ball game. He knew when Kelli walked away, and he was dismayed to see Taura herself had disappeared from her seat a few minutes later. There were no substitutions allowed in the game so he had to finish, with the win awarded to the first team to surpass a certain point score.

  Stealing the ball from a Badari teammate, he drove ruthlessly to the highest point-earning basket and put his team into the winning column with a spectacular dunk. Not waiting for the congratulations and obligatory celebrating, he headed for the last place he’d seen Taura. He could apologize for poor sportsmanship tomorrow if anyone cared.

  The Badari sense of smell was highly developed and even in this crowd of humans, Badari, and spicy food, he locked onto Taura’s scent.

  Did you see where she went? He asked several packmates in the vicinity, receiving only mental shrugs in return. No one had been assigned to guard her or watch her, after all. All pack members in attendance here were off duty.

  Having expected nothing more from his friends, Jadrian forced himself to walk easily from the glade, but he broke into a run as soon as he’d passed the boundaries of the recreational area and out of sight of the party goers. He was relieved Taura appeared to have been heading to the cave, then concerned when the track led him past the turn off and deeper into the forest surrounding the lake. How good was she at navigating in the dark? Was she in the grip of a hallucination? Should he call an alert for soldiers to help him search the woods?

  He wasn’t used to worrying so much about anyone. Yes, he cared about the welfare of his packmates, especially in combat, and would gladly give his life to save any one of them, but this overriding concern for Taura and her safety was on a whole other level. I worry about her the way I would fear for a mate. It was getting harder and harder to deny the truth to himself when it came to his feelings for her. But right now dire scenarios kept intruding into his thoughts—Taura facing off against a roving predator, Taura with a broken ankle, lying in a ravine…She’s shown herself to be a capable person, even in her flashbacks. Have confidence.

  Following her tracks, her destination seemed to be the fishing spot he’d shown her. He quickened his pace. Ahead of him, a small splash sounded, and he arrived at the lake’s edge in time to see her swimming with a well-trained stroke, not the thrashings of a beginner.

  He paused to watch, not sure she’d appreciate being disturbed, since she was obviously enjoying herself and wanted to be alone. Eventually, she rolled over and floated, staring at the brilliant sky. Over the water, he heard her humming a happy tune, and he relaxed along with her. I need to let her know I’m here, so she won’t think I was spying.

  He stepped from the trees onto the tree trunk but, before he could say anything, he realized with a flash of adrenaline she was drifting further and further away, lost in her reverie. There was a current out in that part of the lake, which he hadn’t warned her about because it never occurred to him she might go swimming, much less without him. The current was no challenge for him, with his Badari strength, but Taura wasn’t recovered from her ordeal.

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