Jadrian Read online

  “Leaving the hospital was a good thing,” he said.

  “Thanks to you. I don’t think I’d be making even this much progress without your intervention.”

  Silence fell again, with only the crackling of the fire to keep them company. Taura yawned once then a second even more jaw cracking time. “I guess I’m ready to try to sleep again. What do we have to do tomorrow? Which is probably already today, right?”

  “We have no schedule other than seeing the doctor, and I’ll ensure there are no more surprises there where you’re concerned. Why?”

  “I’m inclined to believe I should stay active. Do you think the kitchen needs more fish?”

  Laughing, he shook his head. “Not yet. We could explore along the far side of the lake, if you have the energy to attempt the hike. I’ve only been over there once on patrol, and it’d be a good idea to re-familiarize myself with the area.”

  “Sounds good. I want as much fresh air and open space as I can get.” She stood and hesitated. “Would you mind sleeping in the bed with me? I think I’d feel more secure if you were right there. In case I have another nightmare, I mean.”

  “You read my mind. I was debating how to broach the possibility without alarming you. If I’m by your side, I can train myself to wake when I hear the early signs of an attack, the way your breathing and heart rate spike. Maybe I can waken you gently before the nightmare takes hold.”

  She glanced at the open mouth of the cave. “We don’t have to worry about trespassers, do we?”

  “I’ve set up a few selected surprises for anyone or anything foolish enough to bother a Badari and his…friend in their own den.”

  Of course he had. Jadrian was a warrior first and foremost but Taura appreciated his fierce protectiveness towards her. “Oh. Good. Well, shall we try for more sleep?”

  She walked to the bedroom, Jadrian right behind her, and situated herself on the edge of the bed. He lay down on the other side, and the mattress tilted toward him. Before she could stop herself, Taura rolled right into him, nestled firmly against the front of his warm, hard body. Hastily, she scrabbled back to her original position, while he remained motionless.

  Once she was settled, he extinguished the light. “It was a long time before I could stand any unrequested touch, after the Khagrish released me from the cell,” he said conversationally. “I understand how you must feel, as much as any being can put themselves in the place of another.”

  “I appreciate your empathy,” she said, grateful he was trying so hard to reassure her. “Some of the things that bastard did to me—”

  “There were things done to me, above and beyond the pain, violations committed by the Khagrish, I’ve never spoken of to anyone,” he said. “I have no wish to discuss them now, but I want you to know, I do understand. In this regard also, unfortunately, we are alike.”

  Taura rolled on her side toward him, reaching for his hand, not surprised he saw her gesture with the aid of his superior night vision and wrapped his fingers around hers. “Survivors, that’s what we are. Tough, dangerous survivors. No one’s going to mess with either of us and, if anyone dares, they’ll answer to both of us. Right?”

  “Right.”

  Taura managed to sleep for a few hours with no more nightmares. In fact, she had the impression the last dream of the night was soothing, but she couldn’t recall any details. Finding herself alone in the bed chamber when she woke, she left the bed, did a few stretches, and strolled into the larger living area. Sunlight streamed into the cave entrance, although the artificial lighting was definitely still required. Drinking a mug of tea, lounging in the single chair, Jadrian studied a handheld device. He glanced up at her entrance and his face relaxed into a smile. “I’m happy to see you wake so peacefully.”

  “Yeah, long night for both of us.” She ran her hand through her curly hair in a futile effort to tame it as she checked the light outside. “Looks like I slept right through breakfast.”

  “Yes, we’ll have to go to the dining hall for early lunch instead. I thought you needed sleep more than food, though. There are always ration bars to stave off hunger pangs.” He set aside the handheld. “I made extra hot water for tea if you care for a cup.”

  “Sounds divine.” Taura sank onto her preferred rock and reached for the handheld while he rose to make her hot beverage. “May I look?”

  “Certainly. The text is in Khagrish, however.”

  “Oh.” Faced with screen after screen of gibberish, she set the device on the chair. “What were you reading with so much intensity?”

  “This is a captured device from the lab where you were held. Mateer asked me to check all the files and see if I could find anything useful.” Handing her the mug, he sat across from her. “We took the place down because MARL was intercepting messages indicating it was a site for research the Ch—I mean the customer regarded as highest priority. Since we Badari were the highest priority experiment on the planet before we escaped, we think it must have to do with us. My Alpha is deeply concerned.”

  “You can say Chimmer to me.” She paused, while an involuntary shiver ran through her. Biting her lip in annoyance, she said, “I have to get past this, being triggered by the mere mention of their name.”

  “Your heart rate is elevating.” He studied her intently. “But I don’t detect an imminent flashback.”

  “Maybe talking about it last night helped. The proof will be if I can get through tonight without more nightmares.” Forcing herself to unclench her hands, she picked up the mug and drank a few sips of tea. “You were saying, about the lab?”

  “If they were indeed working on anything affecting the Badari, we must know and quickly. But I found nothing as yet.”

  “Why did he ask you to do this search?”

  “Because I’m not patrolling or drilling right now. In order to be useful to the pack while helping you, I volunteered for any assignment I could do while present for you.” He tapped the handheld and made a face of distaste. “Boring stuff so far. This researcher was more interested in exchanging flirtatious messages with a female co-worker than taking useful notes. But there are more devices to be checked. It’s possible only a few people high in the hierarchy were aware of the nature of the actual research. If you’re ready to go for lunch, then afterwards we can keep our daily appointment with Dr. Garrison and be free to hike along the far shore of the lake for a few hours before dark.”

  “I like the sound of your plan.” She finished her tea. “I’ll be ready in a few minutes. Not much in my closet to choose from, so it’s easy to get dressed.”

  Jadrian reached for the handheld. “Take your time.”

  Making her way to the bedroom, Taura riffled through the stack of utilitarian clothing Kelli had given her. “Boring, boring, and more boring.” Smiling a bit ruefully, she whispered, “What does one wear as a prison escapee living in a cave?”

  With no warning, she was plunged into a completely different kind of vivid memory scene, freezing her in place—she was in a luxurious bedroom in a modern Sectors home or maybe a hotel, staring into a closet full of high fashion gowns and price-y separates, muttering to herself. “What will the target like? What’s going to capture his fancy and lower his guard?” Impractical, fanciful shoes littered the floor, along with several discarded items of clothing—

  “Taura? We might have to see the doctor before we eat if we don’t hurry.”

  Jadrian’s comment jarred her out of the vision and she blinked a few times to bring reality into focus. Knees weak, she retreated a step and sat on the bed before she fell, hand pressed to her forehead. “Lords of Space, that was scary.”

  He came closer, sitting next to her. “A flashback?”

  “I think so, but not like anything I’ve had before. A true memory maybe.” Disinclined to explain the full vision to him because the idea she was deliberately dressing to lure a man into doing who knows what, apparently against the individual’s will, upset her. Realizing Jadrian was watching her anxiously, she said, “I—I was getting dressed, but not here in the cave. I was at home in the Sectors.”

  “Not too upsetting then?”

  “No, just odd,” she said, hoping he wouldn’t detect the small untruth. The scene itself hadn’t distressed her—it was the implication she’d been about to carry out a deception that shook her.

  “I think it’s progress. Dr. Garrison will be encouraged.”

  Taura stood, and he followed suit. “Let me change, which was the original thing I came in here to do, and we can go.”

  “We still have time to eat first if we hurry.” He left her alone.

  There’s something she’s not telling me. Jadrian returned to his seat and retrieved the Khagrish handheld from the cushions, but didn’t flick it on. He sorted through his impressions of Taura just now. Not a lie, not reliving a frightening incident, but she wasn’t happy with whatever she remembered. Had Walt had been in the memory, or another male perhaps? Repressing a snarl, he forced his suddenly extended talons to retract. Neither he nor Taura had the slightest idea who she really was in her previous life. She could have been married or in a relationship, even if not to Walt. I’ve no cause for jealousy.

  But he was jealous, possessive to a shocking degree.

  Taura had taken over a huge part of his consciousness, become important to him in a way he didn’t completely understand. Her presence in his life made him happy, aside from his sorrow over her captivity and mistreatment at the hands of the Khagrish, and he’d do anything to assist her, to protect her.

  Rising, he glanced at the entrance to the bedroom area, but there was no sign of Taura yet. The confining walls of the cave suddenly chafed at his nerves, and he strode to the entrance, stepping into the sunlight. Staring over the trees to the lake, he lectured himself sternly. He was Taura’s friend in all this, trying to help her regain her memories and cope with her stress and trauma because they’d had similar experiences at the hands of the Khagrish and there was no one else on the planet to assist, other than the doctor, of course. There couldn’t be anything more between them until Taura—and he—knew who she was. What her entanglements might be. He owed it to her to help her recover her identity.

  We’re going to have to talk to Walt. He has a critical piece of the Taura puzzle, even if he was lying.

  The realization made Jadrian unhappy. If I got the human alone, would he tell me anything? But no, it was Taura’s truth, not his. Not his place to ask Walt anything.

  She emerged from the cave dressed in cadet-sized fatigue pants and a too big T shirt over them, which she was knotting at the side hem to provide more shape. Jadrian swallowed hard and forced himself to look away from the way the fabric outlined her shapely breasts as she tugged at it. Taura might not think she was attractive in the current conditions but he disagreed. She had an inner fire that drew him, and her petite frame and wildly curling hair only added to the desire he felt. He forced himself to think of something else, concentrating on the steps in cleaning and reassembling a pulse rifle.

  He’d given his word not to take this situation in a more intimate direction and now, despite his resolve, he wanted her. Wanted to be as close to her as one being could get to another person, in all ways.

  But neither he nor Taura really knew who she was. He came up against the hard reality and shook his head.

  “Shall we go?” Taura rested her hand in the crook of his elbow. “I’m hungry enough to eat an entire basket of those fish I caught yesterday, tails and all.” She laughed.

  They made the descent to the trail hand in hand, as the stony slope leading to his cave was on the treacherous side. “I’ll take a few hours of this time off I’ve been granted and create a proper terraced path with stepping stones,” he said. “To make it easier for you.”

  Taura gazed at the hillside as if surveying the area for a staircase. “Terrific idea because right now the so-called path is fit for mountain goats. I can help. But you’re already doing so much for me, no need to go to extra trouble. I might only be here for the week Mateer gave us to try our experiment in post-traumatic stress control.”

  And you might be here forever. He clamped down on the stray thought. “We’ll see.”

  At the dining hall, the lunch crowd had yet to arrive so he and Taura progressed through the serving line fairly rapidly, right until the end, when Sandara stepped from the kitchen and blocked their path to the seating area.

  Sandara stood with her hands on her hips, gazing up into his face. “I missed you last night. We had a lot of fun at the party but without you I was one guest short.”

  Annoyed to be confronted in this fashion, Jadrian stopped and made an effort to be civil without getting drawn into a debate. “I apologize. Other things took priority for me.”

  “Other things or other people?” She flicked a glance at Taura beside him.

  “It was my fault,” Taura said. “I’m not completely recovered from my experience at the lab, and he wouldn’t go without me.”

  “Making it my fault for not being clear you weren’t even invited,” Sandara said in a deceptively pleasant voice that carried effortlessly. “This was a small, private gathering of personal friends, not an open bash for anyone who wandered in. Aydarr’s hosting one of those later in the week.”

  Infuriated at her rudeness, Jadrian felt his talons pricking at his fingertips. “Would you excuse us for a moment?” he asked Taura, while at the same time sending his friend Timtur an urgent request to come and escort her to the Badari table.

  She held her head high, spots of color in her cheeks the only indication she was upset. “Well then, I apologize all over again. I don’t make it a habit to go where I’m not wanted.”

  The Badari medic hastened up. “Taura, Jadrian, I’ve saved seats for you at the table.” Smoothly, Timtur took her tray in one massive hand and touched her elbow with the other. “My mate Lily is here today, and she’s eager to meet you. She’s your doctor’s twin sister, you know.”

  Taura paused, looking at Jadrian, who prayed to his goddess nothing in the current uncomfortable situation was going to trigger a sudden assault of bad memories for her. “I’ll be right there,” he said.

  “Take your time—I’ll be fine.” She allowed Timtur to lead her into the sea of tables.

  Jadrian turned to Sandara, well aware most people in the immediate vicinity were eavesdropping. “You owe her an apology.”

  The cook’s jaw dropped and she retreated a step. “She shouldn’t make assumptions. Why would I invite your raggedy pity case to my party? Honestly, Jadrian, what were you thinking? Why are you wasting your time?”

  He took her elbow and forced her to walk with him in the direction of the kitchen behind the service lines.

  They’d barely entered the chamber used for food preparation and cooking when she spun in his direction, nearly tripping him, and put her arms around his neck. “I’m sorry—I was really looking forward to the evening with you by my side so I was disappointed. I hate to see you reduced to babysitting some loony girl you happened to rescue. That’s not fair to you or me. She can go to Aydarr’s party this week and meet everyone, you know.”

  He unwound her grip on him and set her back a step, none too gently. “Don’t attempt to belittle Taura or lessen her in my eyes. She’s a brave woman, working hard to recover.”

  “Sorry, guess I touched a nerve. The gossip about her is pretty lurid, you know.” Sandara held up her hands and shrugged, while smiling. “Next time I run into her I’ll be sure to make nice if it’ll please you. But Jadrian—”

  “Now I’ll apologize,” he said, hearing the incipient growl in his own voice and not caring. “For anything I ever did leading you to think you and I were more than friends or a couple or going to be one. We were never a couple, we never slept together, I never said you were my mate. We had pleasant times at the many gatherings you humans initiated and that was all that was ever between us.”

  Eyes narrowed, she stared at him. “What if I said I feel the possibility of the mate bond forming between us? If you’d just let yourself go when we’re together? What then?” She tried to touch his arm, and he moved aside to avoid the contact. “Should I go to the Alpha and ask him to let us spend time together since the mate bond is so important to the Badari? To assign the girl to another soldier in the pack to babysit and free you?”

  Incredulous, he lost control of his fangs, his talons and his temper. “You dare speak of matters sacred to the Badari? There is no link between us, not now, not ever.”

  Hand to her mouth, eyes wide, Sandara retreated a step. The other human staff in the kitchen were cowering at the rear of the chamber.

  “Jadrian, stand down.” It was Jill, the mate of the Alpha and the person to whom all Badari soldiers had sworn loyalty. In Aydarr’s absence she was in charge, so he reined in his fury and stood at parade rest. She marched in front of Jadrian and glared at the cook. “Sandara, you’re way out of line, and I don’t blame Jadrian for reacting as he has. You have no idea how the mate bond works, you have no right to talk about it—in here or to the Alpha.”

  “I—I thought we meant more to each other, that’s all.” Sandara swallowed hard. “Or could, except for the interference of this new arrival.”

  Without looking at him, Jill raised one hand to stop Jadrian from responding. To Sandara she said, “Now you know how matters stand with Jadrian so I suggest you stay far, far away from him from now on, outside your duties here at the kitchen. If there’d been any chance of a mate bond, you and he would have known without a doubt, trust me. The relationship can’t be forced or nurtured into existence.” She took a deep breath, as if she hadn’t planned to discuss the topic in any depth. “We all need to focus on the fact the Khagrish are the danger to this entire community here, and we can’t afford internal distractions or misunderstandings.” She flicked a glance at Jadrian. “Escort me to the table—my sister’s waiting.”

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